I think this is an unspoken challenge in many conversations. There is a established belief that no-one should tell me what to do. This is especially true when it comes to any issue connected with sex. And there are lots of issues connected with sex. These are hot potato issues. Too hot for me to handle in a blog and any wise person would stay clear of them. That said let me plough ahead anyway with a few thoughts and a point towards some useful resources to think about this really important topic.
A conversation that has the statement, "I would never become a Christian because they are weird about sex" usually happens late at night. Your friends and you have been talking about lots of other things and just as everyone's getting tired and thinking about going home one of those grab your attention subjects comes up that you can't walk away from: like the end of the world, conspiracy theories or Christian's are weird about sex. If you're Christian, how do you respond? If you're not Christian, is this a fair point? Are Christian's weird about sex?
I would ask; "Why do you say that?" I really want to know what's behind this statement. You see all of us come to this issue with baggage. And there are many factors that impact how we think and talk about our sexuality. I think it's healthy to acknowledge that at the start of any conversation on this subject. You see, we are led to believe that these issues of sexuality define us more than any other factor. So any negative comment about people's views on sexuality is an attack on a person's identity. But that's not true. We need to remember we are talking about ideas. So I really want to know why do they say that. I need to listen with loving care.
Let's assume that the underlying issue is they feel the bible is unnaturally restrictive.
"I should be the one to decide with who and when we have sex. Is the bible not an ancient, repressive text."
Within our culture repressing your feelings and desires is harmful to you and can lead to you harming others. Therefore sexual freedom is the way to live.
One of the problems with that idea is that no-one lives in total sexual freedom. Everyone draws the line somewhere. The question is where do you draw the line and why there?
The answer we're given is draw it on consent. So long as there's consent between two adults everything's fine. Isn't it? The recent Me Too movement has shown how murky these waters are. What if there are power relationships at play? What if consent is withdrawn afterwards?
I think we have to acknowledge what we probably always knew, that our bodies aren't playgrounds. Our bodies are temples. There's something sacred about our bodies and therefore there's something sacred about when two bodies are joined together. Sex is different than a handshake. With sexual regret or abuse people talk about feeling defiled or dirty. These feelings underline our deep belief that our bodies are sacred.
Don't misunderstand the word sacred. I don't mean sombre or cold. There's a deep joy to the word sacred. A joy that the bible celebrates
"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." (Proverbs 5:18-19)
"The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone but also his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you might devote yourself to prayer." (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
That would make us blush. but the bible can speak like that without embarrassment because sex is God's idea. It's His gift to be enjoyed within marriage. Someone has described it as a fire that gives heat, light and atmosphere to a room. But when the fire leaves the boundaries of the fire place, it will destroy all around it, burning the house to the ground. As with all of God's good gifts we misuse and distort it. We twist sex so it selfishly becomes all about me rather than an expression of love towards the other and for the good of the community.
You see the bible's view of sex fits into the much bigger story of the gospel. Sex is not the main thing. Now that's hugely freeing and revolutionary. The good news about Jesus and what he has done is the main thing. Why's it the main thing? Because only Jesus is able to deal with our greatest desire for connectedness. Through faith in Jesus we enjoy a connection with God that is the reality of which sex is simply a picture of. Read that last line again. Amazing!
"As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you" (Isaiah 62:5)
"...the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery but I'm talking about Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32)
Glynn Harrison in his excellent book "A Better Story: God Sex & Human Flourishing" describes sexual desires as a "divine homing instinct for the glorious union that lies ahead. And he seeks from us the same faithful devotion, commitment, delight and joy that he, through Christ, now finds in us."
Are Christ's weird about sex? Probably weirder than you ever imagined. The bible has a bigger vision for sex than we very dreamed of. It isn't a dirty thing to be ashamed of. It's a good and joyous gift to be enjoyed within marriage. And also our God given sexual desires find their ultimate fulfilment within the Bible's Big Story of Christ and the church. So there's hope for all; abuser, abused and confused. How wonderfully weird is that?
This is a lot to say all at once but it could be said within a conversation, especially late into the evening . zzzz....
Below is the first of 5 videos that will take a fuller look at Sex and the bible.
