Christian's are weird about Sex

I think this is an unspoken challenge in many conversations. There is a established belief that no-one should tell me what to do. This is especially true when it comes to any issue connected with sex. And there are lots of issues connected with sex. These are hot potato issues. Too hot for me to handle in a blog and any wise person would stay clear of them. That said let me plough ahead anyway with a few thoughts and a point towards some useful resources to think about this really important topic.

A conversation that has the statement, "I would never become a Christian because they are weird about sex" usually happens late at night. Your friends and you have been talking about lots of other things and just as everyone's getting tired and thinking about going home one of those grab your attention subjects comes up that you can't walk away from: like the end of the world, conspiracy theories or Christian's are weird about sex. If you're Christian, how do you respond? If you're not Christian, is this a fair point? Are Christian's weird about sex?

I would ask; "Why do you say that?" I really want to know what's behind this statement. You see all of us come to this issue with baggage. And there are many factors that impact how we think and talk about our sexuality. I think it's healthy to acknowledge that at the start of any conversation on this subject. You see, we are led to believe that these issues of sexuality define us more than any other factor. So any negative comment about people's views on sexuality is an attack on a person's identity. But that's not true. We need to remember we are talking about ideas. So I really want to know why do they say that. I need to listen with loving care.

Let's assume that the underlying issue is they feel the bible is unnaturally restrictive.

"I should be the one to decide with who and when we have sex. Is the bible not an ancient, repressive text."

Within our culture repressing your feelings and desires is harmful to you and can lead to you harming others. Therefore sexual freedom is the way to live.

One of the problems with that idea is that no-one lives in total sexual freedom. Everyone draws the line somewhere. The question is where do you draw the line and why there?

The answer we're given is draw it on consent. So long as there's consent between two adults everything's fine. Isn't it? The recent Me Too movement has shown how murky these waters are. What if there are power relationships at play? What if consent is withdrawn afterwards?

I think we have to acknowledge what we probably always knew, that our bodies aren't playgrounds. Our bodies are temples. There's something sacred about our bodies and therefore there's something sacred about when two bodies are joined together. Sex is different than a handshake. With sexual regret or abuse people talk about feeling defiled or dirty. These feelings underline our deep belief that our bodies are sacred.

Don't misunderstand the word sacred. I don't mean sombre or cold. There's a deep joy to the word sacred. A joy that the bible celebrates

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." (Proverbs 5:18-19)

"The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone but also his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you might devote yourself to prayer." (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

That would make us blush. but the bible can speak like that without embarrassment because sex is God's idea. It's His gift to be enjoyed within marriage. Someone has described it as a fire that gives heat, light and atmosphere to a room. But when the fire leaves the boundaries of the fire place, it will destroy all around it, burning the house to the ground. As with all of God's good gifts we misuse and distort it. We twist sex so it selfishly becomes all about me rather than an expression of love towards the other and for the good of the community.

You see the bible's view of sex fits into the much bigger story of the gospel. Sex is not the main thing. Now that's hugely freeing and revolutionary. The good news about Jesus and what he has done is the main thing. Why's it the main thing? Because only Jesus is able to deal with our greatest desire for connectedness. Through faith in Jesus we enjoy a connection with God that is the reality of which sex is simply a picture of. Read that last line again. Amazing!

"As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you" (Isaiah 62:5)

"...the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery but I'm talking about Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32)

Glynn Harrison in his excellent book "A Better Story: God Sex & Human Flourishing" describes sexual desires as a "divine homing instinct for the glorious union that lies ahead. And he seeks from us the same faithful devotion, commitment, delight and joy that he, through Christ, now finds in us."

Are Christ's weird about sex? Probably weirder than you ever imagined. The bible has a bigger vision for sex than we very dreamed of. It isn't a dirty thing to be ashamed of. It's a good and joyous gift to be enjoyed within marriage. And also our God given sexual desires find their ultimate fulfilment within the Bible's Big Story of Christ and the church. So there's hope for all; abuser, abused and confused. How wonderfully weird is that?

This is a lot to say all at once but it could be said within a conversation, especially late into the evening . zzzz....

Below is the first of 5 videos that will take a fuller look at Sex and the bible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWeDpCedGU0

It's Boring

"I would never become a Christian because...it seems boring"

This isn't the same issue as freedom (a challenge we looked at here) this has more to do with joy and adventure. The challenge is that being a Christian seems dull. It's grey and drab. It blends into the background. It's not radical.

If Christianity seems dull and boring we have moved far away from Jesus. He could never be described as dull and boring. If we think he is we don't know the real Jesus. Consider the following:

Here's how those who knew Jesus described him:

"Here's a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners" (Luke 7:34)

Those who said this thought Jesus was having too much fun.

What he said and did amazed people and drew crowds. Mark in his gospel describes the sort of reactions he got, "The people were amazed at his teaching" (1:21), "We have never seen anything like this" (2:12), "Why does this man talk like that" (2:7). Though Jesus made no effort to publicise himself, people came from miles around to him (3:7-9).

He did the unexpected: he calmed a storm, healed a paralysed man, raised the dead and even rose from the dead himself.

He provoked a wide range of reactions from violent anger (Luke 4:28-30) to extravagant adoration (Matthew 26:6-7).

His stories are full of surprising heroes and endings. Tens of thousands of NHS volunteers use an app that is named after one of his unexpected heroes (GOOD Sam app)

Jesus has inspired millions of courageous actions, known and unknown over the centuries. History is full of men and women who have lived radical lives because of him. We live in a world that has been shaped by them in many ways. That may be why it seems like Christianity doesn't stand out because Christians actions no longer seem radical in a world that has been moulded by Jesus' life and teaching. For example: it's no longer radical to offer education to every child-though it once was and it's no longer radical to care for those who are disabled- though it once was. At the forefront of these battles for a better life for all, we find Christians.

We may have lost some of our courage and joy and if so, we need to step away from the mediocre and safe to embrace the adventure that Christ has called us to. |Here's what He says:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life, will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and the gospel will save it" (Mark 8:34-35).

Is that the image you have of what a Christian is? Well, that's what Jesus is calling his followers to. A life that is lived out in Jesus' story. Christians live within the mega story where even our little actions (that might seem dull to others) are feeding into the great plot line of Jesus' loving rule in the world.

Kind of like the woman we once knew who had worked in a aircraft factory during WW2 making parts for the Stirling Bomber. If you had seen her making bolts etc in a noisy factory her work may have appeared dull. But she knew she was part of something much bigger that would lead to Victory for the Allied Forces. She was playing a small but vital part in the defeat of Nazi tyranny.

Christians are called to play their part in the big story of the Good News of Jesus. But looking on it may appear we are just sifting through stones beside a river, when in reality we have found a rich seam of gold. Our most menial tasks because of Jesus have eternal significance.

Christianity boring? Maybe it has become dull. Maybe it needs to recover it's joyful, risk taking spirit.

But maybe you need to take a second look at what Christians are doing and see the glint in our eyes of the treasure we have found. The Treasure that has captivated our attention and calls us to lay down the ordinary and live out the extraordinary.

Does that describe your life?

Can you fix this?

I don't need to become a Christian because I am able to make myself right with God.

Twice this last week I heard this. Not put exactly like this but two different versions of it: One person was listing the ways they were good and said "Most people would have a good word of me". The other person was outlining how much they had changed for the better and how hard they were trying to change their behaviour. Both were holding out their actions as their confidence for eternal life. They were saying what many people are saying: "I don't need to trust in Jesus and what he has done, I can trust in me and what I am doing." 

Let's take a minute to examine this before we think of a response.

A far as barriers to faith in Jesus goes, this is probably the most common. We have an inbuilt belief that the solution to our temper, anger, selfishness, attitude, moodiness, foul mouth, petty bitterness etc lies within ourselves. And if we can just try a bit harder and find the right resources we can be better people and God will then be OK with us. Though this is an ancient problem, the modern version of this is shaped and fuelled by stories of people who have climbed the ladder of success in their sport or career or family life. What's possible in these areas must be possible in our spiritual life too. That's how the argument goes. 

The slogans on Facebook become the religious text of our time. Inspiring us to be the best that we can be, to believe in yourself etc. These slogans confirm what our hearts already believe, "We can fix it". Bob the Builder becomes our spiritual guru. 

That's what these two men who spoke to me were attempting to do. People who think this way have generally got too low a view of God and too high a view of themselves. And if truth be told, that describes us all. We all have a tendency to think of God as a grandfather type who will only see the good and ignore any bad reports with 'ah sure, she's not a bad one really' This is a low view of God. 

We also see ourselves in good light. My Dad quotes Robert Burns wisdom 

O what some Power give us the gift

To see ourselves as others see us!

That would shed a different light on ourselves. Or if we had a moral equivalent of the X-ray that could see past our smiles to our desires, suppressed emotions, thoughts, that would tell a different story of us. So my two friends lowed the bar and raise themselves so they could more easily get over it. 

How might we respond then?

When I spoke to them I was aiming to help them see that God is greater than they think and they are worse than they think. With most conversations I have my best thoughts or at least better response come afterwards. Here's two brief ways to respond to: "I don't need to become a Christian because I am able to make myself right with God."

First way

With Questions:

"How are you getting on with living the good life?"

"What about your thoughts and attitudes?"

"How do you know you have done enough?"

"Has the good things you've done tipped the scales on the bad stuff yet?"

"Can your good really cancel out your bad?"

"And Who decides if it does or not?"

"If someone does a really terrible thing like murder is it ever possible to cancel it out?"

"Is your standard of good the same as God's?"

"If you can do this yourself, why did Jesus die?"

Second way

With a Story:

You might tell this story: A young man once came to Jesus and asked "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" 

Jesus first defines goodness. "No-one is good but God alone"

So the standard we measure ourselves against is God. How are you doing with that?

Then Jesus gets more specific when he reminds the young man of the commandments about loving others. The young man replies confidently that he has been keeping these since he was a boy.

Then Jesus zones in to the heart of his problem. The very thing that is keeping him (and us) from eternal life; he loves something else more than God. Jesus tells him to sell all he has and follow him. The young man leaves very sad because he has great wealth. Jesus' disciples watching all this realised that it was impossible for anyone then to enjoy eternal life. Jesus agreed. "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God" (Mark 10:17-31)

You see, we don't measure up to God's goodness but Jesus does. Even his enemies couldn't find any fault in him (mine could easily enough). The good news is that by his death and resurrection Jesus deals with our badness and we are given his goodness. This is ours when we trust in what Jesus has done not in what we are doing.

What are you trusting in for eternal life? What you are doing OR what Jesus has done. 

So much Suffering

One of the drawbacks of this blog is that it sounds like a formula. It sounds too much like if someone says this--I say this. I've tried to make it less like that by saying things like 'I might say' or 'here's how I might answer'. Highlighting this is important because people are different (I'm sure you have noticed this). Each one of us have had our own unique experience of life; different troubles, joys, backgrounds and exposure to Christianity. The difficulties we each may have (or had) about Christianity are in part formed out of these experiences.

So it's not, "this is said--then I say" but, "this is said--and then I listen and ask questions (at least I try and remember to do that). This is especially true if someone says:

"I would never become a Christian because...the world is full of suffering."

How could you possibly follow a God who has all the power to bring an end to suffering but chooses not to? (This second statement may not said but it's likely to be thought)

Suffering, that's a barrier too big to get past. That will silence the Christian. Can anyone really give an answer to suffering?

Before we open our mouths, we need to open our hearts. This is true of all issues but especially so for this one. The head might want to jump in with a trite answer but that would be unwise and unloving. Better to follow your heart and ask "Why do you say that?"

The answer might be a general observation on the suffering in the world eg famine in Yemen etc Or a more personal experience of the suffering in their world. Even if the answer is about general suffering, I want to remember at some level (even if it's not said) suffering is personal. We all have suffered to some degree, so we approach this statement as one sufferer to another.

What way this conversation will go, I will not even pretend to know. It may involve tears, anger, shrugging of the shoulders or the subject may be quickly changed to avoid any emotions. Either way, it should always be met with listening and compassion. Our hearts should break when faced with suffering.

Jesus heart broke when faced with suffering (John 11:35).

Yet the God of the Bible is not silent about suffering so I might say something like this:

"God does not watch our suffering from a distance but experienced the heartache of what it is to be fully human so that he might offer us help and hope.

One time when I was struggling with .... (Or when ... happened to me), I knew Jesus was with me and I held tight to his words "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted..."

But more than that-I follow the One who has suffered the agony of death on a cross and rose again. The fact that he's alive gives his followers hope. You see, Jesus carries us through our suffering and brings us to a place where suffering is no more. Why doesn't suffering end now? I don't know, but I look forward to the day when Jesus "will wipe away every tear from our eyes...and make all things new" That's the Christian's hope."

If there is personal suffering behind that statement, wouldn't it be appropriate to ask could you pray.

And if you're going through a time of suffering now, please let me point you to Jesus. I pray that you would know God's comfort and help through this tough time. I pray too that you would know the hope that Jesus the Risen from the dead One gives.

If you want to speak to someone about this or other things please feel free to contact me (Andrew) through 2nd Dromara Presbyterian Facebook page or Website